Sometimes, it feels like I’m failing.
When our sweet, sweet girl came home last Friday with her graded multiplication test, I couldn’t hide the discouragement on my face when I saw her grade. Don’t get me wrong. Multiplication is hard, and I know that it’s twice as hard for our daughter. And even though I knew she tried her hardest, I still asked if she did and then I choked a bit on those unnecessary words. And I immediately saw it in her face, and I knew that I had said too much. I forgot in that moment, that it wasn’t about the grade and I failed.
I feel like I’m failing in my friendships at times too. It seems hard these days, to find the days and the times to connect with the amazing friends that I’m blessed to have. This morning I saw a friend across the room at church but then had to rush down to fill in for Kids Church and never got the chance to even say a quick hello. And I was disappointed in myself, because I love my friends, but it seems so hard to connect during the busier times of life.
And to top off this silly rant, I failed at our School’s Fall Festival this weekend. Somewhere in the huge stack of take home papers on my desk was the flier and I knew it was coming up. But on Saturday morning, after my parents left, I was tired and just wanted to enjoy a quiet day at home. When Christian took a bike ride and then rushed home to tell me that the Fall Festival was going on, I sighed. Because we’ve really enjoyed going to the Fall Festival over the years. It’s always been a fun time for the kids to get together with friends and do fun fall activities. But by that time, it was towards the end and I realized that I totally failed again.
All that being said, I decided that we’d try to enjoy the last little bit of the Festival anyways. As most people were walking out, we walked in and stopped by the food truck to get some chicken fingers and fries. They were hot and delicious by the way. And we sat there and ate, and I realized that even though I’d pretty much failed at doing the Fall Festival well, it turned out to be okay.
The kids still had fun. They caught up with friends and got a good hour or so of playing outdoors in.
Christian mostly just wanted to throw around a football with his friends. So he did.
And Ellee caught up with a few of her friends too.
And then we all waited in line to grab an ice cream cone from Mr. Softee. And I realized that it wasn’t such a huge fail anyways. We might not have painted pumpkins or played any festival games and we also missed out on the petting farm. But I think our kids have outgrown the painting pumpkin thing, and as I mentioned before, they were perfectly fine tossing the football around. And to be honest, I think I’m the only one who kind of enjoys seeing the animals.
As we all biked back home after everything was done, for an extended hang out time at our house, I got to thinking. Sometimes, it feels like I’m failing. Because sometimes I am. But I take great consolation in knowing that even though I’ll fail and others around me may fail, God and His great love, never fails. He’ll be the one that helps me back up, when I’ve fallen down. And when I fail my kids or fail myself, there’s grace for that. God’s amazing grace covers all of my successes and my failures. And next time, I’ll know better to encourage our girl as she’s trying her hardest. And I’ll find the times that work to connect with friends. And I’ll be more diligent about writing things on our calendar. So all that being said, this afternoon, I’m encouraged to know:
“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.” – Lamentations 3:22
My failing will happen, but God will never fail. It’s pretty great encouragement for the afternoon, if you ask me.