Better Than I Was

I spent a good portion of the day, wishing I was better than I was. It’s the truth. And the truth is ugly sometimes. I’m disappointed to admit that the struggles of today got the best of me. I felt down. And discouraged. And anxious. And a little sad. And I’m okay with the fact that I can look at myself in the mirror and see these hidden truths at times.

I write these things not to dwell in a pity party for myself. No, it’s more than that. I think it’s good to say our struggles out loud at times. It’s good to acknowledge defeat. It’s good to realize that we aren’t even close to living the perfect lives that we often dream of. Because life doesn’t happen most truthfully when we merely paint pictures of what we think others want to see. Life happens truthfully when you struggle. And soon enough, you find that there is actual strengthening in that struggle.

Today, I found strength in my husband. Who prayed for me and loved me, despite my insecurities.

Today, I found strength in the wisdom of friends. I have to say, I have an incredible circle of friends who are so willing to be available. Who love me in the midst of my struggles. Who are wise and willing to take time to share.

Today, I found strength in listening to Matt Maher’s “Lord I Need You.” It’s my “go-to” song these days. Because it’s just so true. And it refocuses my life. I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to have all the answers. I just need Jesus. And his perfection. And his answers. And his truth.

Today, I wished I was better. And in today’s struggle, it happened. I was better. Because I was strengthened by the love of my family and friends. And because I was able to refocus on what’s true. And because Jesus’ strength was made perfect in my weakness. And those beautiful truths are the strengths that made me better and stronger for having gone through today.